Turkey Day 2013

t-day 2013 survivorsYou would think that after 10 years of holding these little marathons, putting movie viewers through some possibly horrendous films was not the nicest or smartest thing to be doing. Yeah…you would think. To those that think this just plain crazy, you are correct!  But we do it anyway. The people that come out to help me celebrate my annual party are die-hard cinephiles that don’t mind getting on their hands and knees, drudging through the muck of cinematic garbage, or at least what some may call it. We try to find the higher points on these films, even though with some it is very tough to do that with, but we try anyway. It is our way to not only test our endurance, but also to highlight some of these hardworking filmmakers and their finished accomplishments. No matter how bad or good they might be, we feel they need to be remembered, even in the worse way.

We had no T-day virgins this year, but seasoned veterans that obviously are gluttons for punishment. While we thought for a while that Aaron Christensen wasn’t going to be able to make it due to an acting gig, he was able to work his way out for the first 4 movies before having to catch a train to meet up with his ride back to Milwaukee. That’s dedication. Honestly, I was thrilled that he did since it wouldn’t have been the same without him, since he has been here to every one of them since 2005.  Also returning was Joe Wallace, Jennifer Kilzer, Craig Clark, Jason Coffman, Neil Calderone, and Brian Fukula. Brian also had to leave early, after the 3rd film, but we get him credit for making the trip out for what he could. My son Nick had to work this year, so he missed most of the movies, but did arrive in time to catch one of them. And of course, probably one of the real reasons these guys keep coming out for this event is all the amazing pizzas made by my wife Dawn, who was able to sit in the last few movies. We had the usual breakfast pizzas, Italian beef pizza, crab Rangoon pizza, but also some new ones like the chili rellenos pizza that was just incredible.

Once again, we got through 7 films, but managed to devour 12 pizzas this time. So with only 8-9 of us here for most of the day, we seemed to go through a lot more pizzas than last year. I’m sure the excitement of the movies just meant we were burning up more calories, making us hungrier. Yeah…sure…I buy that.  But lets get to the movies.

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Turkey Day 2012

T-day2012 006Who would have thought that I would have made this little event that I started 10 years ago become what it is today.  Those first couple of years it was just me.  Then my good friend Aaron Christensen started to join me and has been my trusted co-pilot ever since.  Then over the last 3 or 4 years, it really started to grow into something really special.  Within the 10 years, we have gone from just one crazy movie fan putting himself through some cheesy movies, to our last event which consisted of a group of 10 diehard movie fans reveling in every second of the cinematic follies that we pick.  Welcome to our 10th Anniversary Turkey Day Marathon.

As I look back over those 10 years, I’m estimating that we have survived well over 50 films, with only 1 repeat (BLOOD FREAK).  The official count of those that I can remember is 48, not counting the ones that I watched alone that first year.  That is a lot of Turkey.  There’s enough tryptophan in there to put down all the TWILIGHT fans that are waiting in line for the next movie!  But all in all, it has been a lot of fun.

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Turkey Day 2011

t-day2011-1Welcome to our latest installment for our Turkey Day Marathon recap.  For our 9th year holding this little festival, it has grown quite a bit over the last few years.  At one point during the marathon, we had 8 people here, all eyes glued to the amazing film that was coming our of the TV.  Well, maybe not amazing, but definitely entertaining.  In fact, not one of the 7 films that we got through this year was one of those that we were just waiting for the end to come.  So that really was a first for our T-Day viewing party.  Usually there is at least one title that makes us just hate life in general.  Not to say we didn’t have our fill of Turkeys.  We had quite a few gems in here.

But before we get to the films, lets get to the victims.  As always, Dr. AC (aka Aaron Christensen), my Turkey Day co-pilot since 2005 was there.  As well as Craig Clark, making another long journey to take part in the marathon.  Last year, Joe Wallace and his girlfriend Jen had stopped by near the end.  But this year, they were here right from the start.  And our newest victim was another Chicago horror regular, Jason Coffman.  He is no stranger to movie marathons, so we knew he was a would have no problem joining our cinematic shindig.  My son Nick had to work for most of the day, but was back in time to catch the last couple of flicks.  And while not in the kitchen making copious amount of food for the gang, my wife Dawn came down for a couple of the films as well.  I mean, she’s married to me, so it can’t be too much of a surprise for her to see these kind of flicks….just saying!  But let’s get on to this years movies.

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Turkey Day 2008

Now in the 6th year of holding my annual Turkey Day marathon, AC and I took another fistful of films considered to be turkeys, B-movies, MST-fodder, or just a waste of time.  But not for us.  As crazy as we might be, we find quite a bit of enjoyment out of watching these films, where the filmmakers were really trying to their best to make a good film.  Granted, most of them missed the mark when it comes to being good.  But is it entertaining?  That is the true test of a film, turkey or not.  So let’s venture forth and see what fun we got ourselves into this year.  From a couple of alien invasion films, Tiny Tim as a clown, Hammer’s sci-fi epic, or a low budget film from good old Michigan, we had our work cut out for us this year.  Let’s begin.

EyeCreatures2The Eye Creatures (1965) – Larry Buchanan was a filmmaker that makes Roger Corman look like he had bigger budgets than James Cameron.  He was making his little films in his home state of Texas, and usually turning a profit.  Sure, he may not have made high quality films, but the ones that he made, made money.  And in the film business, that is the only way to continue to making films.  He had made a deal with American International Pictures to remake their film Invasion of the Saucer Men.  Of course, with a much lower budget, and in color.  But it didn’t stop him from giving them, and us, The Eye Creatures.  This was so successful, that he went on to remake 3 more titles from the AIP catalog.

Starring John Ashley, the film pretty much follows the original, except the creatures themselves.  Where in the original, the creature designs were well-crafted and thought out by Paul Blaisdell.  But here, we have guys in suits that look like the Michelin Man’s 2nd cousin.  There are a couple of scenes where there are several of the alien creatures attacking, moving very slowing and waving their arms.  But if you look closely, you will see that only a couple of the closer aliens had full body suits on, while some others just have their head and shoulders covered, the rest of their bodies covered in black.  Pretty damn funny that nobody caught that.

But none the less, Ashley gives it his all, like he always did.  And it’s a fun movie with the definite feel of the ‘50s movies that it was based on.  There is a lot of the silly humor in here, with both some main characters, and the whole subplot of a couple of military guards that like to use the radars to spy on the kids making out in lovers lane.  Lucky for us, the film did get an actual DVD release, so many can enjoy it for years to come.

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Turkey Day 2007

Another year and another trip down the slippery slope of cinematic mishaps, misfires, and just plan screw ups.  Joining me once again was Dr. AC, who has become my ally and trusted companion on these trips to the ends of good taste and good movies, watching each other’s backs while we trudge along this journey some would call madness.  But we feel that it’s our duty to tackle these turkeys by the giblets and show them just who is stronger!  But let’s get on to the movies!

KillDozerKilldozer (1974) – Growing up in the ‘70s, I was able to watch a lot of great made-for-TV movies that were being produced at the time.  As well as some…not-so-good ones.  A lot like the idea for Night of the Lepus, whoever thought that a bulldozer that becomes possessed by an alien force, causing it to seek out and kill workers on an island construction site, might have thought it was a great idea.  But sometimes that spark of genius needs to be thought out a little bit more.  Even more surprising when it was based on a short story by noted sci-fi writer Theodore Sturgeon, who ever worked on the teleplay.

The idea of a bulldozer being able to sneak up on anybody other than blind people who are too numb to feel the ground shake, it about as silly as you can get.  But that didn’t stop them from making Killdozer.  This is a great example of what could get back bade in that time.  Western regular Clint Walker stars as a foreman trying to get his life and career back after a bout with alcoholism.  So when the weird stuff starts to happen, he knows nobody will believe him.  The film co-stars future TV star Robert Urich, James Wainwright, and the always memorable Neville Brand.

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Turkey Day 2005

For this marathon, I was not going to have to make this journey alone. I found a sucker…I mean, a fellow movie fan that had the guts to put his love of bad movies to the test. Dr. AC (aka Aaron Christensen) joined me that faithful day to for another festival of B-movies and other such wonders. Though, he must have been pretty trusting of me since we’d only met a few months earlier. Little did he know of the horrors that I was going to put him through….(cue devilish laugh here) heheheh.

bloodfreak1Blood Freak (1972) – Yes, we did watch this film last year. And since this was AC’s first Turkey Day experience, I didn’t want to give him a full frontal assault right away. But I felt that since he had never witnessed Blood Freak before, that we’d have to make that the first film. Sort of breaking him in. Or breaking him down. Not sure which. And even I had watched it last year, watching this movie with a new viewer is almost as fun as watching the film itself for the first time. The look on their faces is always a riot. When the turkey monster first makes its appearance, and they look over at you with this “Are you fucking kidding me?” look….priceless.

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Turkey Day Marathon

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So just what is a Turkey Day Marathon? Back in the early ‘90s, when Mystery Science Theater was still on and Joel Robinson was still on board the Satellite of Love, Comedy Central would have something on the day after Thanksgiving calling it the Turkey Day Marathon, which would consist of 24 hours of MST3K. Not sure how many years they did it, but I knew I was in front of the TV for it as much as I could.

About a decade later, in 2003, I decided that I was going to something very similar to that. To celebrate all those cinematic shipwrecks, I was going to spend the Friday after Thanksgiving in front of my TV, assaulting my eyes with some of the best in bad cinema. How tough could it be? As much as I tried to get volunteers to join me on this insane escapade, no one was daring enough to do it. So I would have to go it alone. At least for the time being.

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