Another year and another trip down the slippery slope of cinematic mishaps, misfires, and just plan screw ups.  Joining me once again was Dr. AC, who has become my ally and trusted companion on these trips to the ends of good taste and good movies, watching each other’s backs while we trudge along this journey some would call madness.  But we feel that it’s our duty to tackle these turkeys by the giblets and show them just who is stronger!  But let’s get on to the movies!

Killdozer (1974) – Growing up in the ‘70s, I was able to watch a lot of great made-for-TV movies that were being produced at the time.  As well as some…not-so-good ones.  A lot like the idea for Night of the Lepus, whoever thought that a bulldozer that becomes possessed by an alien force, causing it to seek out and kill workers on an island construction site, might have thought it was a great idea.  But sometimes that spark of genius needs to be thought out a little bit more.  Even more surprising when it was based on a short story by noted sci-fi writer Theodore Sturgeon, who ever worked on the teleplay.

The idea of a bulldozer being able to sneak up on anybody other than blind people who are too numb to feel the ground shake, it about as silly as you can get.  But that didn’t stop them from making Killdozer.  This is a great example of what could get back bade in that time.  Western regular Clint Walker stars as a foreman trying to get his life and career back after a bout with alcoholism.  So when the weird stuff starts to happen, he knows nobody will believe him.  The film co-stars future TV star Robert Urich, James Wainwright, and the always memorable Neville Brand.

The Sea Serpent (1984) – Our next film shows just how a great filmmaker can have an off day….or so.  Director Amando de Ossorio was the director who created one of the creepiest monsters in Spanish horror history, the Blind Dead.  He would make four films with these memorable monsters in the early ‘70s, basing them on the famous Templar Knights.  But he made several other genre films in his career, in varying degree of quality.  But his last one, The Sea Serpent, is probably not the one that he hopes that he is remembered by.

Sea captain Pedro Fontán is played by Timothy Bottoms, who tries to pass off as an non-American, and does it about as good as Sean Connery mastering any accent other than a Scottish one.  But none the less, after his boat is attacked and sunk, by what he claims to be a giant sea monster, he loses his license and the respect of his fellow sea men.  Then after a young woman watches her friend get eaten by this creature, she joins forces with him to discover the truth behind this mysterious monster.  They are joined by Ray Milland, an oceanographer trying to discover this ancient creature.  This was one of the last movies that Milland did and sort of looks like Darth Vader after taking off his mask at the end of Return of the Jedi.

The special effects used for the giant sea serpent are about equal to any monster in the Scooby Doo cartoons.  It is one that will make you either laugh out loud, or cover your mouth in horror of what the actors had to work with.  The effects guys tried like hell but just couldn’t do anything that was even remotely scary.  But none the less, the movie is great fun and is a perfect choice for any Turkey Day, or just anytime that you need one of those great “bad” movies.

Loreley’s Grasp (1974) – Not sure why we did this, since it wasn’t really planned.  Plus it’s a film that I personally wouldn’t consider a Turkey, though I think AC would argue that point.  But right after The Sea Serpent, we went on to another Amando de Ossorio film.  This is a film that I seen at a midnight screening in my youth, under the title When the Screaming Stops.  They were even passing out barf bags for the screening.  How cool was that?  Couldn’t believe how gory the film was, even though a bit cheesy.  This version also had the screen flashing red as a warning before anything gory was going to happen.  Nice.  The story is about a girl school where they are being attacked and brutally torn apart by some unknown beast.  So a hunter from the village is hired to track down this animal or whatever it is, and destroy it.

For me personally, one of the highlights of the film is Helga Liné, starring as the mysterious Lorelei.  Could she be the one that turns into some sort of lizard monster, tearing out the hearts of the young women?  Could be.  Liné starred in many Spanish horror films, including a couple with Paul Naschy, and even a couple of early Italian films.  She’ always been a favorite actress of mine and is always memorable, usually playing the villain.  Tony Kendall is the hunter hired to kill her, but accidentally falls under her spell.  Filled with the usual beautiful sets, and sequences filled with gore, and enough beautiful women to keep any male fan of Spanish horror eyes glue to the screen.

Lucky for us Spanish horror fans, this movie was released in it’s original version on DVD by BCI a few year ago, both as a single edition as well as a double feature disc with Horror Rises from the Tomb, also starring Liné.

Octaman (1971) – Keeping in line with sea monsters, sort of, we finished off the day with this fine piece of work.  Unfortunately, this movie is in dire need of a properly cleaned up DVD release.  The VHS prints are so dark that it hides a lot of the wonderful action shots of the creature, which were created by a young Rick Baker.  But even that didn’t stop from enjoying this great little monster movie, cheesy or not.  This is a great example of a good old-fashion monster movie.  Sure, it won’t hold up or compare to modern day terrors like Alien or Pumpkinhead, but it does bring back a certain spirit that is missed in today’s films.

Kerwin Matthews and Jeff Morrow lead a scientific expedition to Mexico to investigate the possible pollution in the water after they find some mutated octopus or two.  But once they get there and start messing around with the local sea creatures, the title character shows up to stop them.  Part environmental preaching / part monster movie, this movie is just plain fun.  It’s a wonder that Jeff Morrow would be in another film like this, after his experience with The Giant Claw.  Maybe at this point in his career, he just needed the work.

So after five years of doing this, has it built up my resistance to these types of movies?  Has it made me more tolerable to bad films?  Or has it just given me one day out of the year to just experience bad cinema!  Whatever the answer might be, it’s always a fun time and don’t plan on stopping just yet.