For our 2nd Turkey Day Marathon, I was still on my own. But I ventured on, determined that this punishment could only make me stronger. I had our films lined up for the day and were ready to take on whatever horrors await. So I strapped myself in and started the marathon!

Blood Freak (1972) – I wanted to start the marathon off with the ultimate of Turkey Day movies, and this was definitely it. This film was actually commissioned by a religious group to show the dangers of drug use and wanton sex. Steve Hawkes stars in the film that he also co-wrote and co-directed with Brad F. Grinter. Hawkes plays Herschell, an out-of-work vet looking for a job and a place to crash. He stops by the road to help a girl with car trouble. For his help, he is invited back to her home. Her sister just happens to be having a swinging drug party, but that doesn’t put her off as she sits and reads gospel from the Bible. Herschell doesn’t want to partake since he’s trying to impress this girl. But it gets even stranger. Herschell gets a job at a turkey farm and volunteers for a little experiment. He has to eat a turkey that has some laced with a experimental drug to see if it has any side effects. Well, after eating the entire turkey, he turns into a turkey-headed monster that craves blood. The guy basically has a turkey head mask on, with big bulging eyes.It has to be seen to be believed. And even then, it’s hard to believe that someone gave the thumbs up once the mask was put on.

But what makes the film even more enjoyable is that Grinter breaks into the film every now and then to give small lectures on what is happening in the film, emphasizing the evils of drug use and putting harmful chemicals into your body. All the while, he’s chain smoking cigarettes! Even to the point where he starts coughing so much you think he’s going to cough up a lung! This film is one that really epitomizes what a turkey of a movie is, both literally and figuratively. It was released on DVD by Image Entertainment, so if you haven’t had this pleasure, add it to your list. It will be one that you will never forget, but will be forcing it onto your friends so they can partake in this feast.

Night of the Lepus (1972) – Next film up had to be one of the best ideas for a giant animal movie ever conceived. Honestly, who would ever think that making a movie about giant killer rabbits could ever be a great idea? I mean really…outside of a Monty Python movie, how could a rabbit ever be threatening? Maybe if they were the size of a large Winnebago? Aahhhhh….no. I would have liked to have been at that pitch meeting when the guy threw this idea out on the table. “How about giant killer rabbits?” “I LOVE IT! LET’S MAKE IT HAPPEN!” It could have happened. The movie DID get made after all. And not only did it get made, but it also starred Janet Leigh, Stuart Whitman, Rory Calhoun, and even Star Treks’ DeForest Kelly! For some reason on all the posters, the never really let on what terror was about, even using the Latin word lepus instead of rabbit. Obviously they knew if they let people know it was about killer rabbits, no one would come.

The film is as just silly as one would think. These rabbits are placed on scale models, with some red paint rubbed on their mouths. Even the slow motion scenes with them thumping their way through the desert just can’t bring any sort of terror. But there is some scenes that I found pretty disturbing, and that was some real life footage of some ranchers trying to get the rabbit overpopulation under control. Some of the measures being used back then probably would have PETA giving them more than a stern look.

The Giant Claw (1957) – Our 3rd feature was one that I had been trying to find ever since seeing a clip of it in the film It Came From Hollywood (1982), which showed a titular beast attacking a plane and eventually eating the parachuting passengers. Not only is the creature basically a marionette, but has one of the goofiest looking heads (next to the turkey monster from Blood Freak). The main actor, Jeff Morrow, had said in an interview that neither he, nor anybody else in the cast, had seen the monster before the premiere. Of course, every time the creature made an appearance on the screen, the audience roared with laughter. One can only imagine the terror they felt during that premiere, as any hope of furthering their career slowing going down the toilet.

That’s one of the beauties of a film like this. Everyone involved (except maybe the special effects guys) gave their 110% to the job, with such conviction and seriousness. Everything is played completely straight. Like they were making their own Citizen Kane. It is what makes these kind of films so enjoyable an so different from the “bad films” of today. These guys were really trying their hardest to make a good film. Then when we finally see this dreaded creature that they lead us all up to with such hype and anxiety, if you think you’re “you gotta be shitting me” look is something, just imagine those actors at the premiere.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964) – This next film we tackled (or more like tackled us) has a reputation from the name alone. It is. To say that watching this Ray Dennis Steckler film, by yourself, is an endurance test is like saying that New Orleans had a slight water problem after hurricane Katrina. The movie wasn’t even half over yet and I was already questioning my faith in humanity. Steckler was known for getting bored very quickly once he started making a movie. This means that it wasn’t uncommon for him to change what the movie is about, or even the kind of movie it was, half way into it. This film features some Vegas style dance numbers that actually just might lower your IQ. But then there’s some the scene at the carnival with our main actor Cash Flagg (aka Steckler himself) riding around on the roller coasters with his girlfriend. Words simply cannot describe this movie. You will be scratching your head several times while watching this film. The reputation it has is there for a reason. Proceed with caution if you’re thinking of attempting this movie. Don’t do it alone.

The Deadly Spawn (1983) – So as not to leave this experiment-gone-horribly-wrong on a negative note, I decided to go with one more film, but one that I would definitely not consider a turkey. I had to get some enjoyment out of this. Think of it as the piece of pumpkin pie after the big Thanksgiving Day meal. You really shouldn’t, but you want to end the event on a good note. And we did just that with Doug McKeown’s one and only feature film. Even though the film is a low budget independent project, there were enough talented people involved which turned out one of the best and goriest monster movies in the early ‘80s.

The film is about an alien creature that lands on earth one night and starts to eat its way onto world domination. This alien is basically a bunch of mouths with teeth. A lot of teeth. I mean, A LOT of teeth. There is a party full of old ladies getting attacked by little creatures that is very hard to forget. The work that John Dods did by creating this amazing creature should put him in Monster Maker’s Hall of Fame somewhere. Such a unique design, made on a super low budget, added in with all the gore, it makes this movie extremely enjoyable and a great time, not to mention a really good film.

So in closing, I did hold up pretty well. I got through 5 highly entertainingly bad movies that were a lot of fun. Sure, the Steckler movie damn near killed me, but I was able to struggle through it and thankfully Deadly Spawn helped us recover some of my lost brain cells. So 5 movies in one day, and another Turkey-Day Marathon comes to a close.